Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The Grass is Greener

There's life and then- there is life.
I guess I should explain...

When I was younger my Mother was engaged and he was pretty much my Father from 2nd to 6th grade. I don't remember exactly how the story went but he worked somewhere a few hours away and the halfway point from where we lived and where he worked was a little town called Greene. I won't drag this out... when I was in 6th grade he left. Whatever. That's my sad story. Everyone has one- that's mine. I've dealt with this, I have had some good counseling and some good love from both my biological father and Lord Savior. But that's not where the story lies... There is life and then, there is life.

On the surface we are two giggly girls heading into the Taco Bell parking lot. We order the same things, we have the same laugh for eight years now. We talk about love, hope, heartbreaks, old times, our future, families. We talk about life and LIFE. Like the fact her mother has forgotten her birthday a few years in a row or that she never had a home-home since the divorce.

Next story. She laughs, she smiles, she tells me about growing up dancing. We enter the house and I feel the pressure. I see the perfection. And it hurts, it really hurts. She has a life and to everyone else it looks great. But then she has a life, a hidden, dark, and very hurtful life.

Last one. Cheerleader, blond, artist, corvette, she has life and a life. Like when her boyfriend dumped her that was life and it hurt. But when her father missed her graduation that was life.

Here is the point.. I went to visit a friend who lives in Greene yesterday. Greene, yes the town all my dreams were suppose to come true at and you know what? My dreams were not there. Obviously, but I thought they might be... I mean a *new-glam* life is a big promise to an 8 year old girl and I bought it. And that is life.

We all have hurts and we all have wounds. Wounds are hurts that never seem to go away. The common theme that follows you around. I wish I could be detailed and use imagery to woo you all to understand what a wound is. But think about it... in the hallways you see the girl upset about the bad grade she just got, but really she is worried that her parents are going to make her move out if she gets another B. They never believed in her- just pushed her. See there is life and then there is life.

When we sit at taco bell and talk about ex-boyfriends that broke our heart we talk about life. But then when we sit in the parking lot we talk about those who have violated us and how that has ruined our view of boundaries.

Catch it? Life and Life. Simple everyday stuff that makes us laugh & cry but then the *real* stuff that silently makes us suffer? But I am here to tell you the grass is not greener on the other side. The dreams I built as a child were foolish, they were made out of fears and materialism. But the dreams God have made for me are beautiful, wonderful, intricate, and fantastic... the best part? Not only is the grass green where I am standing now but I only know a fraction of everything He has planned out for me!

::::This time I am letting the right "daddy" make my dreams for me::::


Christina said...

Oh, Kerri, I love your posts, particularly this beautiful and so true.

P.S.-Yes, I am always studying.

Dea said...

I REALLY like this post! Very raw and it :)

Francesca Celeste said...

Kerri, you are such a special person and I love you very much.