Friday, December 10, 2010

A Piece of My Past

It is the kind of night where I would blog. I am alone, over pondering what life is all about, and searching for meaning. I start off of course on facebook, and I start reminiscing about "the good ol' days", Undergrad and such-- I kick myself off and try to fall asleep but I can't. It is too quiet here. To think I use to stay in a building where over 200 people my own age lived there. I had so much fun... no wonder being alone at night seems so different.

Like I said tonight is the kind of night I would blog, but I don't have anything to say. I have no awe-inspiring words from the Lord, I have no underlying insecurity to explore-- it's just me, not being able to sleep. I try to worship a little bit, do some prayer, back on facebook, and I get to thinking how much I care about the past. Always have, I won't even reference all my posts that have talked about me missing the past.. let's say it's more like the whole blog-- well except for when I knew I was going to Mercy, then I was always looking forward.

Point being, since High-School, I have always been a fan of the past. Junior year I wanted to be a Sophomore, Senior year I wanted to be a Junior again, Freshman year of Undergrad I wanted to be a Senior of High-School again... but now in Graduate school I am not sure I want "to be" any particular time. I cherish it all sure, but most of me really is looking forward to having a full time job in May and starting my own life.

More so than that though, if I could go back- I am not sure where I would go back to. I am over the high-school thing and Undergrad is too much, I flip through old memories and can't settle on just one I would like to relive. So many amazing memories, uncountable inside jokes, ridiculous amount of money wasted on junk food and some heal-your-soul-up moments.

I know before I met God I said the best moment of my life was my entrance to the Junior year play, I was the Wicked Witch and I came screeching out, scared all the kids away, and had the spotlight all to myself... what a great feeling to know you are the source of entertainment, to recreate a character your own way. But to go back to that no way...

Thursday night Tag's as an 18 year old also used to be my jam. I lived for those retro nights. Into college I became a coffeeshop girl, I'd spend hours figuring myself and my friends out over a drink that always consisted of more whip cream than anything, but to have to go through that pain of figuring myself out again... no thanks.

So I went back to facebook and I flipped through my photos and whatever photo made my heart melt I uploaded on here. This is just a flash of where I might travel back to. Lord knows facebook does not have all the answers and was not even around for a lot of good times in my life. But I hope you enjoy a piece of my past!

What would it be if you could relive a moment. I could see a lot of people talking about their child being born, perhaps their first encounter with the Lord, or their wedding day-- but I am thinking less serious than that. A time in your life where bliss was all you knew at least that's how you remember it... think about it then re-blog this if you wish!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Back to the Basics... again.

In one week I will officially be half way done with my MSW, that's crazy. I can honestly say it is has not been that difficult at all. I forget a lot of the time though the time I spend at Successful Pathways (Internship) is also a huge part of my degree. I have had a lot more free time then I ever thought I would. I can honestly remember the one time I truly felt stressed, and that was back in August... wow, praise the Lord!

I was looking over my agenda calender today, something I even wrote about since I do it so often, and I literally was shocked that it was December 1st. I know it's cliche to say where has the time gone, but for real- for real, where did the time go? Everything has moved so fast yet so smoothly lately... God has just provided- majorly.

At the beginning of the semester I was hooked on Old Testament, almost refusing to read the New Testament, I wanted to discover hidden messages, I wanted to relate to the complex characters, I wanted to be able to quote out of Leviticus and impress people, but recently I want to go back to the basics. I started reading Matthew through this past Sunday just to -refresh- myself and I got rocked! How quickly I forget the basics..

Sowing seeds.

Just the basics, the reason why I even love God in the first place or rather the reasons He loves me. I got to get back to the place where I know He loves me for me: Not the me I am going to be or the things I can do, or the me that deserves to be loved-- but me, just simply me. I want to go back to this girl, the girl who took time to be herself and eat her cereal color by color, the girl who knew being loved had nothing to do with her performance. I want to have revelations like this that remind me God is not only my Father but Lover and I can find fullness in Him, anytime.

*smiles, sigh* The basics, what a wonderful place to be. What a blessed and comfortable season the Lord has allowed me to be in. I feel so secure in Him, it is such a wonderful feeling. I can't say it did not come without some testing and trials but I preserved and it feels so good to be victorious in Christ, not in myself but in Him. I relied on Him and He heard my cries, He answered my whispered prayers, and He lavished me with unmerited favor and for that I am eternally grateful.

.. it is so nice to get back to the basics. What a beautiful and loving God we serve. He may give and take away-- but He is trustworthy and righteous and I love Him.

Psalm 5:1-3, 11-12
 "Give ear to my words, O Lord, consider my sighing.
Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray.
In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.
But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy.
Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you.
For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous;
you surround them with your favor as with a shield."