To much of my surprise it turns out my way of living has become somewhat radical. Different and unusual- if you will. Especially in this last year I always seem to bring conversations back to God.
I stopped using words like 'luck' and 'can't' and started reading the Bible a lot more and sending scriptures instead of forwarded jokes via texts. So there are often times I, as I know you do also, wonder
... uuummm what happened to Kerri??
Why is she all God freak on us now? Why is it every time I call her she seems to be at church? I mean how often do they have church a week? ...In my desperation to understand, to explain and to reiterate, this one sided conversation took place tonight at Emanate, a Monday night worship service [[one of the three times a week I normally find myself at church]] Enjoy- I hope it brings light to your curiosity.
"God what am I doing here? Why do I seek You? Why do I desire Your presence? Why is it I have surrendered it all? How did I change so quickly from wanting to be a social worker in a school to a minister of Your word? ...Perhaps it came when I understood that there was a darkness. I mean who really cares if there is goodness and a hero if there is no battle, if there is no one to fight against?
And he tried to fight. I laugh at his tactics now, because even with the little, little I knew of Your love his disaster did not shake me. I admit it was not until I met him I realized I needed You... and if I needed You... what about all the other people? What if they didn't have that taste of Your love in their mouth when they met him? What if they believe his lies? What if they fall into poverty because of his greed? What if they fall into sorrow for following his joy. What if they never see the hope? What if they forever live a life of mundane hardship and despair?
Well, I guess that is why I am here. that is why I am a 'christian' the other six days of the week. That is why I consume myself in Your word, That is why I chase after Your goodness. That is why I refuse to compromise anymore. If-for-nothing-else that You will conquer in their lives- because in this story the battle has already been won, they just don't know it yet."