Thursday, July 22, 2010

The Curfew of our Hearts

Luke 11:27-30
As he said these things, a woman in the crowd raised her voice and said to him, "Blessed is the womb that bore you, and the breasts at which you nursed!" But he said, "Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and keep it!" When the crowds were increasing, he began to say,"This generation is an evil generation. It seeks for a sign, but no sign will be given to it except the sign of Jonah. For as Jonah became a sign to the people of Nineveh, so will the Son of Man be to this generation."

Blessed are those who hear the word of God and keep it... 
Blessed. Are those. Who. Hear. The word of -God- AND keep it... 
Keep it. The word of God. 
Blessed are you.
He has called me to holiness.
He has called me to literally lived a -set apart- life. 

The bible calls for us to do a lot. Love. Love rightly. Withhold judgment. Keep our cool and not murder people. We are reminded of these things daily...

But He also calls us to Holiness.

...He calls us. He calls me. Why are we not answering?  "Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say?"  -- Luke 6:46

He was he sign of Jonah for OUR generation. If you do not know the significance of that, look it up. See what message God sent with Jonah.
He calls us to holiness because He knows what happens to us when we do not live a holy life. 

That is what we like to call, the Father heart of God. 
He wants us to succeed. 
Always has.
Same reason earthly fathers give curfews... they know the destruction the darkness brings. So does God- the Father.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Winter Clothes

I am in this shedding season I feel like. 
I have collectively over the years borrowed, taken or collected things from others and currently they are in a pile in my new place and I just want rid of them. 
I wanted a new bedset for here. To kind of start over. Look fresh. 
Shake off the old and start with the new. 

I know I just made a big transition in my life and with anything in my life I feel like its a go big or go home kind of move. I want rid of it... all. I'm over it, moving on... NEXT.

What does that even mean? You know that first feeling of taking off the bulky sweater and throwing on a tank top? Like those winter clothes had been carrying you down all year and now its time to throw them off, bag them up and move on. It's summer baby! *takes fresh breath of air*

That's how I feel.

However it is not all sunshine and rainbows taking that first step into summer. Summer exposes a lot. your less covered up and surrounded by people a whole lot more. Your favorite sweater is found in the trash bag of clothes. The comfort that kept you going all winter. Cold nights, it kept you warm. Feeling chubby days, it hide it from the world. Bonfire nights, perfect. Going for a walk, perfect. Out to dinner, of course. 

Now... I have outgrown it.
I am shedding what and when I least expected it. 
My roaming heart is still roaming.
I am not home yet.
I moved in and all my boxes are unpacked but my heart is still searching, still restless. 
It is looking love. 
Its looking for a place to unpack, a place to rest and pour it's treasures out to.
I know that seems corny-- but really, it is. 
And once you have felt that feeling you'll understand.

Sometimes I want my sweater, hide from the world behind what I have always known.
Other times, I want to strip down-- bear it to the world in a jean skirt & flip flops. 
Take chances, feel the sunshine and run like crazy.

 Lord, you know all. You made all. Show me what it is I am suppose to do. I can't do this without you. Dream big, or stay realistic. Shed it all or keep some of the old. Move on or stick it out. I trust you. I believe in you. Talk to me. I miss you.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Come up Swinging

I told myself I would write.
I made a pact with myself that significant points in my life either good or bad would be shared in hopes of someday having my story help others get through their own stories.
Now who is to say that I can even help someone.
Seems a little egotistical to me... but a hope we all have.
Who doesn't want their life to mean something.
Who doesn't want to look back and say look, look, I made a difference!

Anyways- I write tonight from a broken heart.
From a emptiness.
From a longing.
From a very large confusion.
I use to know.
Like I use to know, know.
Now... I don't know.

I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I also don't want to leave myself dragging behind.
There are heartaches in this life and I know no relationship is perfect.
But I want to be adored and I don't want to be left in the dust.
Does he even know, you ask.
I am not sure. Maybe it is obvious to both of us- maybe I am over-analyzing.
But I know that my heart hurts...and that's all I know right now.

The world dates differently.
They move on faster.
They don't have the spiritual connection we do.
They settle, they become complacent, they let dreams subside and become bitter and restless.
I don't want that. I don't want to be a statistic.
I want... I want to be in love... like I thought I was.

I just want him to come up swinging.
I want to be fought for,
I want to be desired,
I want to be woo'd.
Is that okay to still want this late in the game?
Am I asking too much--am I letting him give too little?

Like I said, I don't know.
I really don't know.

"Everyday I wipe my tears away
So many nights I've prayed for you to say
I should've been chasing you
I should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me
I should've said all the things that I kept inside of me
And maybe I could've made you believe
That what we had was all we'd ever need"
-Lady Antebellum