It has been a long time since I felt as alive as I did yesterday. As sad as it sounds, I was finally in a room of Christians who actually wanted to talk about God. Sounds weird, right? I won't dwell on it- I am just happy- no not happy- satisfied.
Since August I have spent at least an hour driving everyday, most likely almost two hours a day. And yesterday for the first time, I drove home in the silence. No music, no phone calls, no bombarding thoughts of lust and envy. Just silence.
In that moment God filled my mind with beautiful scenes, new dreams, and love. It wasn't anything special- like a face to face moment- it was just me and the silence, Him and His goodness. Something I have longed for, for a long time. ((not that my actions would show you that most of the time. the way I still disgustingly fill my time with things that don't matter and waste my thoughts on daydreams that only entertain the flesh))
It could have been the sermon. TFH rocked it yesterday. It was about renewing your mind and rejecting the lies of the enemy. A sermon I am very, very familiar with. But it felt different this time.
It could have also been the prayers of my faithful prayer warriors (let me know if you want to join my email list for my ministry). It was also the same day I started a new journal. Which I don't want to over spiritualize but I know God has been preparing for a new season and I felt the significance of *her giving me that journal.
.a season without ache.
As a team we have so much to get done this season, I just know it. Like I said a few posts back somehow I have just known. I know He will take care of me. I know I will no longer have to thirst. I know He is the ultimate healer. I know He is good. And even in tragedy He will save me and I will stay committed to Him. I get it, I do. Urban Ministry is no joke, but with my mind back to being focused on God ((something I know I will have to continually do)) I feel so ready. It must be Him, I know it is not me. I am under-qualified and ignorant. But with Him, with Him... anything is possible *smiles* I really mean it.
How amazing it is also that last year this day I spent the whole day with the Mercy girls. How blessed I was to be a part of their transformation. To experience love :::real love::: with them. The kind of love that dies for you, even when you dismiss Him. The kind of loves that fills you up when you call on His name... and leaves you no longer aching for the world. yay.