Sunday, October 17, 2010

The Facebook Struggle

Do you ever feel like the nights where your hair looks good are the nights you didn't really go anywhere?

I just saw the movie "The Social Network".
I am not here to discuss whether the movie was true or not.
But the last scene got me...
After all the court cases, after all the money, after all the success- Mark Zuckerberg (at least his fictional character) signs on to his own website (Facebook that is) and friend requests his ex girlfriend. He then obsesses over her acceptance by refreshing the page every .5 seconds to see if she had confirmed. That's it- that is how they ended the movie.
I don't care how much of the movie is real- that my friends IS real.
Ughh... it is disgusting the amount of time our generation, including myself obsess over these internet sites, over being accepted, over heartaches and new fantasies. 
I am sure it has always been this way-- it's just more in your face now. It's just a button press & click away.
Just like with my hair. It's like I want someone to see that I am having a good hair day but why ...why?

I guess this post does not have much substance to it. 
More a rhetorical question that will bounce back to me in cyberspace without an answer. 
But I want to know, why do we care so much?
Why is it that even though I truly believe my heart has found rest in God that I can still care about finding love and keeping it? Or when I send a text that never gets a response? How about the ex  last night who charmed his way past me without acknowledging my existence? ((if only that poor boy knew how many times I have blogged about his rudeness))
I guess I pose such a question, not so much out of a hope for an answer but more so an indication to let others they are not alone. 
We sit here staring at our screens waiting for the slightest amount of hope to pop out at us. 
We want to be noticed.
We want to stand out yet to also fit in.
It is not like it was when we were in high school... but somehow it is.
We all want to be known, to be delighted in, to be taken care of and to have those we can care for.

I got a text after the movie from a friend who longs for love.
I am not sure he has ever really accepted himself for who he truly is but he is one of those guys that believes he will feel complete once he has a girl who does. Actually make that two guys who said the same thing tonight. Funny, how totally different lifestyles can still be calling out for the same things... anyway- the texts went something to the effect that he wanted a girlfriend to spend his birthday with and I stated how having good friends is way more worth the drama and heartache it takes to be in love. He followed with, "But sometimes I need the drama and heartache. Reminds me of how good life can be"

So I wonder.. how many folks are on facebook tonight feeling the same thing.
I mean that's why we have facebook isn't it?
To be noticed?
To share our life?
For what then?
Now, now I can hear the defenses now, sure you got it for different other ((non insecure)) reasons. But let me ask you this... why are you on it so much then? And if not facebook, why texting? why online dating? why Halo 3? why go to the bars?

We are all just lost. We are all in some way lonely. We all want a place to belong.
We all, I mean I... I just wanted to have someone see that I was having a good hair night.


Heather said...

preach woman!! so true!!!!!!! gahhhhhhhhh yes!

Kelly said...

I completely agree with this! It's so insane, and so true. lol. For the past month or so I've checked facebook like a robot..(like I always have) but this past month specifically, I haven't gotten nearly as much activity on it and it's so strange how that can effect your view about yourself. At first it didn't bother me but after several weeks I started to actually think, "I must be old news to my friends..I must have no friends." lol. It sounds utterly ridiculous even to me, but on some level there's a real belief in that..that if facebook isn't bouncing on my screen, then I'm obviously a nobody. So crazy! .... hope you don't mind I just spilled my guts a little bit.

Melissa said...

Kerri - you are so right! Just last night, after such a wonderful day with family and friends, I come home to find one of my sister-in-laws has deleted Brad & I from her FB and her children's facebooks. I spent hours crying, late into the night. Worried that a conflict that occured months ago, that doesn't involve myself or my nieces and nephews, has now taken its toll. I despise how FB has become a channel for such negativity. I've always said a washer is the place for dirty laundry, not FB. I am thankful for FB to help keep intouch with family and friends that are so very far away. However, at some point, FB has become an extension of my heart on my sleeve.
Sorry I exploded on your page, I'm full of emotions that I didn't realize I'd be having less than 24 hours before I give birth to Mallory. Thank you for always being such a good friend to me, before I even knew such a thing as FB existed:)