Dear October

Well Alright October-- I will admit it you got me this time!!!
For those who have been following for awhile will know that October always is a big month for me. God has been more present (or maybe I allow him to be) in October then any other month. It's like my life falls apart and become as white as snow just as much as the season does with the leaves.

...But you really outdid yourself this time. I thought I was going to have to do a post on how this October was different. This October nothing HUGE happened. God was of course still great and awesome but He did not have some life-pending lesson.... but ummm, nope. He just outdid himself.

I am not comfortable sharing with everyone right now what the *big news is, but just know that my head is resting much easier at night knowing my future is secure.

On a *very related but different note I have not written much about my internship lately. Most likely because I am there at the hours I normally would like to blog... like all day ((haha)). But it is only because I LOVE it so so much. So tonight, I was teaching my class on "God Given Talents" to my youth and we spent some good time in prayer and worship. All of the youth received a word from God through the leaders and my "homework" for them was to come up with 2 scriptural references on what we are suppose to do when we receive a word from God. So as a fair leader I wanted to do the same... what is it that God wants me to do with my *big October news... honestly folks- I have no clue. All I know is I need Him. I am desperate for Him. I feel unworthy, but He- He is good and He will  speak. Here is my homework:

 Joshua 1

⁶ "Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. ⁷ Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. ⁸ Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. ⁹ Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Dear October, I never knew you would be the answer to all my dreams-- please, please don't let me step out of God's will.

The Facebook Struggle

Do you ever feel like the nights where your hair looks good are the nights you didn't really go anywhere?

I just saw the movie "The Social Network".

I am not here to discuss whether the movie was true or not.

But the last scene got me...

After all the court cases, after all the money, after all the success- Mark Zuckerberg (at least his fictional character) signs on to his own website (Facebook that is) and friend requests his ex girlfriend. He then obsesses over her acceptance by refreshing the page every .5 seconds to see if she had confirmed. That's it- that is how they ended the movie.

*ponders. 

I don't care how much of the movie is real- that my friends IS real.

Ughh... it is disgusting the amount of time our generation, including myself obsess over these internet sites, over being accepted, over heartaches and new fantasies. 

I am sure it has always been this way-- it's just more in your face now. It's just a button press & click away.

Just like with my hair. It's like I want someone to see that I am having a good hair day but why ...why?

I guess this post does not have much substance to it. 

More a rhetorical question that will bounce back to me in cyberspace without an answer. 

But I want to know, why do we care so much?

Why is it that even though I truly believe my heart has found rest in God that I can still care about finding love and keeping it? Or when I send a text that never gets a response? How about the ex  last night who charmed his way past me without acknowledging my existence? ((if only that poor boy knew how many times I have blogged about his rudeness))

I guess I pose such a question, not so much out of a hope for an answer but more so an indication to let others they are not alone. 

We sit here staring at our screens waiting for the slightest amount of hope to pop out at us. 

We want to be noticed.

We want to be adored.

We want to stand out yet to also fit in.

It is not like it was when we were in high school... but somehow it is.

We all want to be known, to be delighted in, to be taken care of and to have those we can care for.

I got a text after the movie from a friend who longs for love.

I am not sure he has ever really accepted himself for who he truly is but he is one of those guys that believes he will feel complete once he has a girl who does. Actually make that two guys who said the same thing tonight. Funny, how totally different lifestyles can still be calling out for the same things... anyway- the texts went something to the effect that he wanted a girlfriend to spend his birthday with and I stated how having good friends is way more worth the drama and heartache it takes to be in love. He followed with, "But sometimes I need the drama and heartache. Reminds me of how good life can be"

So I wonder.. how many folks are on facebook tonight feeling the same thing.

I mean that's why we have facebook isn't it?

To be noticed?

To share our life?

For what then?

Now, now I can hear the defenses now, sure you got it for different other ((non insecure)) reasons. But let me ask you this... why are you on it so much then? And if not facebook, why texting? why online dating? why Halo 3? why go to the bars?

We are all just lost. We are all in some way lonely. We all want a place to belong.

We all, I mean I... I just wanted to have someone see that I was having a good hair night.

A Happy Sigh

Recently a Frisbee game brought us all together

and it was like nothing had changed at all.

But then again, everything has changed...

And it will keep on changing. 

No one and Nothing is ever stagnant.

Things change. People change. Seasons Change.

It doesn't change the good times we've had.

And it doesn't change the way we care for each other.

It's funny-- I never think about high school people anymore...

for as many times I cried over it and the time I spent missing it. 

Now college is over too-- unbelievable.  Just crazy.

*smiles* but we had some crazy good times.

And although these pictures certainly do NOT account for all of those I encountered, appreciated, and miss-- they are a small testament of those I loved and still love. 

It was so nice to breath in that fall air, to let the sunshine hit my face, and to snuggle with my besties. Each one of them I have a different tie to, yet each one of them a tie to each other because of it.*sighh.. but a happy sigh. It was so nice to see everyone.