Sunday, August 15, 2010

Emotionless Faith

For years I have struggled with the scripture, "Faith is the substance of things hoped for", What?? I don't get it- isn't the substance the actual thing you hoped for? I have had some friends explain it to me and is does make sense in a different light now. But that is so right on with faith. I mean does it ever make sense?

It brings peace. It brings hope. It stands in the gap of disappointment and bitterness. But does it make sense-- no. Is it easy to wake up each day renewing this faith... sometimes, and sometimes not. The common question though: Is it worth it? Of, course!

For those who know me personally I am in a weird season, different, challenging, emotionless.... that's it. The absence of emotions. It's like I am here and I am truly happy/content but my heart is gone. My soul is satisfied but... stale.

It is almost testing, even though I don't think God tests or probes us to prove ourselves-- but more so do I truly believe even without the emotion behind this "religion"? How about without the constant reminders of love in this "relationship"? When I said I Love You and I am Committed to You--- did I mean it, or were my emotions fleeting?

I am doing everything humanly possible to scream, YES I STILL MEAN IT. I don't care if I can feel you, hear you, sense you. I know YOU are real and I KNOW you love me.

We change our thoughts on life daily. Every moment we have the possibility of responding differently to every situation-- our emotions are so uncontrolled. reckless, and untrustworthy. But He is not-- He is unchanging, unshakable and He is my God, my refuge and with Him at least-- I know where I stand.

-So that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God. 1 Corinthians 2: 5   
-Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience. James 1: 3
He is who He is no matter who I am that day. 
I can be the Kerri who is on fire talkin' about freeing the captives and such or I can be the Kerri who defeated daily by torturing thoughts of worthlessness. I can think about the future and plan great dreams based on the word of God or I can use my own past to convince myself it will never happen. 

It's not about the emotion, it's about the truth. 

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