“Meaningless! Meaningless! says the Teacher.
Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.
at which he toils under the sun?
Generations come and generations go,
but the earth remains forever."
I was told to watch out for the book of Ecclesiastes,
because it was written when Solomon was in
a bit of anger or frustration with life.
However, I feel like I can relate to Solomon for
"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life,
what you will eat or drink; or about your body,
what you will wear. Is not life more important
than food, and the body more important than clothes?
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap
or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.
Are you not much more valuable than they?"
Today was quite the emotional roller coaster, hence this post.
It started with a bunch of errands where my card was declined at the gas pump. I almost shrugged it off, but decided to stop at the bank just in case. Turns out I was -210$. Thats NEGATIVE $210. Turns out a $200 check I gave to Brockport wasn't cashed when I thought it was. So after three trips to the banks, lots of uncontrollable tears, a huge swallow of pride, and Mom's credit card.. it's fixed, for now.
Between the second and third trip to the bank, I opened my door to a neighbor whom I had never met. She said she was waiting on our porch for the bus. After a short chat it turns out she was from ARC & she had been @ BOCES when I was interning there. To assume, I would diagnose her with a simple learning disability and product of underprivileged environment. Long story short the bus never came & I gave her a ride to her appointment. I knew a lot of the terms and people she was talking about because of working @ BOCES & social work classes. She was appreciative of the ride and in the middle of my bank crisis, it was a good reminder of bigger things.
Then I was reminded of the Dr. Phil episode I mistakenly took as a decent Television program. Two 20-something year olds were whining about an "injustice" about their engagement ring being overpriced by 600$. Dr. Phil outraged payed the difference and cursed the name of the jewelers. Oh, I'm sorry.. they gave you the wrong ring and are asking for $600 more... Oh, well gee good thing you have a finger to put that ring on... "I once complained I had no shoes, until I saw the man who had no feet" - Irish Blessing.
So after the bank, the ride, the bailout from my mom- I was off to work. There I met my new co-worker. After a few hours the conversation was brought up that he was a Buddhist. And at first, I was actually excited for him. He was telling me how he doesn't drink coffee, alcohol, or take mind alternating drugs because it is part of Buddhist "law". Well, then my wheels got a turning and I asked about heaven. Oh... that's right... you don't believe in Jesus. Umm, well this is problem. Righttt? Yes! Right! John 14:6 "I am the Way and the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." So, what was I to do- I mean I have met people who don;t belive before, but I guess this is my first encounter with someone who totally randomly (he explained) chose this religion. This got my wheels turning a bit more.
Throughout the five hour shift, the weather outside progressively got worse. Three crashes alone on a one mile strip. And people were still coming into shop? Are you serious? Do you not have anything to live for? Is the swet of candles that imporant? So, I chickened out- I called my dad to pick me up. On the way home he explained about the GM Baliout. My Step-Grandpa worked for GM for years (hence the deal on my cobalt), & without the bailout I will lose my warrenty and my grandpa, his pension.
After returning home my mother recieved two calls- one, my heartbroken brother & two, my hospitial stricken aunt. My brother has been the toughest, unemotional man ever known to our family. But now he is just broken, after a "wasted" three year relationship he feels worthless. My aunt, on the other hand, literally had a broken heart, heart attack last week. Still in the hospital after several complicated procedures. So by now I am really thinking...
And now I blog. I not only blog in hopes someone will be touched by my thoughts, but to figure out my own thoughts. What is it that has my spirit so unsettled? It is knowing my mom had to bail me out $300 when I know she has needed socks for the past week and been waiting to have enough? Is it that people are so worried (especially this season) about shopping and diamonds? Is it that I am so worried about these gifts also?
I don't know.
I simply don't know.
But I am sad.
I'm sad for the buddhist, a hopeful man
in search for meaning who recieved rules instead.
I am sad for all those who are laid off this month...
hundreds in my town alone.
I am sad for my brother,
he really loves her and has changed his ways.
& I'm confused. What is important?
Sorry kids, this is one question I do not have the answer to.