miserable

Halloween was my favorite holiday....
& I just feel miserable.
I don't feel like college kids perverted the idea
because for the last two years I was that girl that made you shake your head
but I just feel miserable.
I want to have fun. I don't need the alcohol, but I don't to grow up
and realized I miss out.

Freud would say my Superego is out of control. Every action I feel guilty now.

I can't do anything without second guessing myself.
Why am I so organized, so disciplined?
Most of the time I see it as a blessing but today I just want to be
8 years old again.
I have two papers I have to write tonight.
It's my own fault.
ughh.
plus I just realized how soon all my friends are leaving...
Semester Abroad, graduating, moving.
Including me I'm leaving for Nashville in a year.
What an amazing opportunity. But in the face of my feelings now
It just scares the shit out of me.
In April, I'll be 21. that doesn't feel old but by 22
I'll be "all grown up". I'll be in Grad program.
....wow. I feel like it took me so long to move on from high school
how the heck am I suppose to give Brockport up??


Worrying is a waste of time...