Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Dear God, Sincerely Me.

Dear God,

It's me again. It's kinda late, I know, but you know how I get thinking. I don't really know how to say this... well I do- but it's hard to hear. I messed up. You asked me to guard my heart and I failed miserable. However, I am not mad at myself. I'm not shaking my head in disappointment. I am not blaming others, I'm not running away and I am not giving up.

He's really great, ya know? You created a beautiful human being and he is really starting to awaken to the depths of his dreams and what you created him for. Such a wonderful thing, truly. But I'm not helping anymore. Frankly, I am pushing him away- from everything. Needless to say, I screwed up.

So now what? Really, like can you write me back? Can you send a messenger or something? Because right now I am lost.

The last time you and I talked I was starting to realize how little of trust I had in you. I mean ::whoof:: I am scratching my head, smiling, and wondering how I made it this long without faith.

WOW. seriously.

Faith. Trust in the unseen. Belief in the unheard. I have none. mhMmm & not a good mHmmM either.

God are you following this? Because I'm scattered. Did you make me this way? If you did that's cool and all... but it's not always the best fit for me and my situations.

Do you think this has anything to do with my priorities lately? I bet so. I really messed up there, didn't I? I really need forgiveness for that. I am truly sorry. I have put off not only my secular commitments but you. The giver, the maker, my romancer, my comforter, I put you to the side. I let you cheer from the sidelines while I did "your work".


Think of it. If I knew better than you. If I really knew how to run this world. Ha. it's funny but I act that way. You know that.

Well, I guess I really wanted to ask for your forgiveness and let you know I really am willing to accept this trial. I will be seeing you in the morning, I promise. Until then can you surround him in love for me? If I can't anymore- can you make sure he knows how truly great he is and how proud I am of him?

I guess that's really it. Sorry again. But thanks for understanding.... It's good to know you'll always be there, even if my faith is lacking.


No comments: