Nail by Nail: Board by Board

A house and a home; Most would agree these are two different things.
A house is a structure built intended for people to live in.
A home is an environment that is familiar and custom to those who live in it.
A house is for shelter.
A home is for safety.
A house is a place.
A home is an atmosphere.

My opinion varies daily on what kind of house and home I want.
Sometimes I want a small structure, nothing fancy with low mortgage payments. Other times I want a dream home with several bedrooms and master bathrooms.
Sometimes I want a baby sitting on my kitchen floor banging my ever so expensive pots with a ice cream scooper while it’s other toys lay unattended to. Other times I want a tidy living room with just my husband and I.

However, there are some things about my house/home I do not waiver on.
My house will be built by my husband.
And my home will be built by me.
Just as I do not want a foreign contractor plastering my walls, I do not want my hospitality to be done by a babysitter or an interior designer.
Not only do I want both to be authentic but to be built by the proper partner.
Yes, social work world, I said proper.

I believe God set up our world with a system- a pretty good system in fact.
I know it’s been perverted throughout the years and some houses were built on sloping hills and some homes were built on rocky marriages- but there is such a thing as a safe home.

Miranda Lambert recently released the single “The house that built me”
Here are some of the lyrics. "Mama cut out pictures of houses for years From Better Homes and Garden magazines. Plans were drawn, concrete poured, and nail by nail and board by board Daddy gave life to mama's dream"
I can’t begin to tell you what this verse does to my heart.
It makes me dream, it makes me envious, it makes me sad- but either way, it makes me come alive.

Another song I found long ago- that never made it big but struck a chord inside my heart was “I’ll write you a song” by Plain White T’s.
"I don't know how to make lots of money I got debts that I'm trying to pay I can't buy you nice things, like big diamond rings But that don't mean much anyway I can't give you the house you've been dreaming If I could I would build it alone I'd be out there all day, just hammering away Make us a place of our own"

The thoughts of a man loving me so much to literally build me a house moves me to tears.
There is just nothing –nothing- more masculine than that in my eyes.
With each ‘nail by nail and board by board’ I see the love, the devotion, the strength, the protection, the wisdom, the discipline, and the feeling of home that pours out.
And in my opinion, I deserve a house.
I deserve a home.
I deserve to be loved.
I deserve to be adored- because that is exactly how God intended it to be.
God wants us to have life and have it to the fullest.
We deserve shelter and safety, a place and an atmosphere.

Since God knew Adam better than anyone, He knew that he would need Eve not only to encourage Adam to build a house but to inspire him- to give him a reason for his hard work. When Eve was created she was made to set Adam on fire- to bring out the fierceness in him. But don’t forget Eve is fierce also, just in a different sense. We all know never to mess with Mama’s cubs. But what about someone disrespecting her husband? Or someone having a better garden than her?

Eve is what makes Adam work. Her drive- drives Adam to start and finish tasks.
Her love drives Adam to compassion.
Her gentleness drives Adam to helpfulness.
Her desires drive Adam to succeed.
If Eve wants a new kitchen floor- Adam will install one.
Not out of persuasion or manipulation but simply because when Eve respects Adam, Adam loves Eve.
And when Eve inspires Adam, things get done.

We have roles on purpose- equal but different.
There are houses and there are homes.
There is Adam and there is Eve.
There are inspirers and dream homes.  
There is an original design.
And Like I said I want my home to be authentic.

For him

For anyone who has been following for awhile knows I like to speak to 'her' a lot. Those deep brown eyes, shaky but not faint voice, the scars on her wrist and a hope beginning to surface. I love her I do. But this past year has taught me a lot about him. And when I say him, he's a lost feller. He's heard it all but not sure if he can believe it. He's had his heart broken, but he's broken a few in his day also.

He's home life is alright, but the social life could use some work. Underneath it all he's a genuine guy. He really wants whats best but because he has been taught no value he responds harshly. He wants it to be a good day, but it's not always a good day. Nevertheless he awakes each day with hope. He brings a smile to someone's life, while all along he wishes someone could do that for him. 

He is overlooked, but not forgotten. He is not socially best, but he is a charmer. He loves and he loves quickly and rashly. He makes a choice and chases it with all his heart.
This, this is what has left him hurt, time and time again. 

My thoughts immediately turn to 'what if he :::chased::: God?' What if he casted the worldly cares aside and ran after his real Father. What if he admitted all he really wanted out of high-school was affirmation? This affirmation he has yet to find in college. What if he surrendered that false pride that has been built up for years? 

Could it be... could it be he is just as important, loved, adored, gifted and purposed as my 'her'? Does God want to redeem the warriors in this world just as badly as His beauties? Of course we are led to believe yes. Yes, He has a plan for Him. Yes, He cares for him. ...but why then aren't we? Don't get me wrong I LOVE woman's ministry. But what about him? He has been left out his whole life- does he not deserve to be cared for also? How can we bring 'bromance' back to the church? I know my church is trying and there are plenty of books out there now trying to redeem the church for men. Get rid of the pink fliers, loosen up the dress code, let the men be men. 

I love that Ryan is a man. Hah, well obviously. But I love the temper he brings to the surface when someone has done me wrong. I love that he would rather shoot his friends with paintball guns then stay in and bake them cookies. I love that he brings out the best and very worst of me all at the same time. I mean it's the original design- we are the beauties that set those men on fire. We drive them nuts, just like God has purposed it (haha-lets not use this as an excuse). Together Adam and Eve were a team, a team that didn't always consult their coach which led to some defeats, but a team none the less. A team that was redeemed by a sacrifice and still loved. 

So all in all this is for him. 

I am sorry it took me so long to acknowledge you. You are important to the kingdom. If it wasn't for men like you- God might not always catch those 'off-the-streets' kind of girls so quickly. Again, I recommend Wild at Heart for further discussion on this topic. But more so I recommend a church that understands and responds to a heart of a man. A church that will allow men to grow and play, to fight and cry, to love and be loved. I also recommend becoming strong on your own then finding the beauty to inspire you. Build the foundation, that way she can be safe and reckless in your arms. I know I am thankful for that. My heart has never felt so at home yet so adventurous before. Because of this, Ryan does for me what no other man can do and God does for me what no earthly man can do.

And then there was Two

My Undergraduate College career ends in 9 days.

I feel friendships fading.

I know its healthy.

And I understand the reasoning and all.

But wow, consider the concept... 

You will never see these people again.

Never will the union be your union.

You will never have this many friend requests again in your life.

Free pizza will never be the reason to go somewhere.

I think I am doing well with all of this, considering the not-so-good time I had with highschool ending. But at the same time I knew Undergrad was going to be fun... who knows what Grad will be like.

I have been living with my best friend for the past 2 weeks off campus-- for the first time of my college career. It's weird for so long you just go with what you got in the dorms, you live with who your placed with, you learn to work around them. you eat whatever the dining hall decides to make- but here it's like you know what you like & you actually get to do it. You like showering at night, do it. you like waffles every morning- make 'em.I know not very interesting blog stuff, but still it's growth. It's something. 

I never thought I would be okay with having so few friends. Like close ones. Like ones you can't live without. Like ones who know everything about you. I've always been the girls with a lot of friends, going here and there, running around, pleasing everybody... and then there was two. Or well, that's at least how I feel.

"At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls. And sometimes... all you need is one." -P. Sewyer

A lot of the times now, I just need one.

Whose to Say

It's Saturday night. I am back in my college town. After my best friend and I caught the tail end of 'You've Got Mail" with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan- we joked about our fellow college student facebook statuses of 

"Slip and Slide at 49 Main St. stop by and bring beer!"

"Out with my ladies doing what we do best and always regretting it the next day"

We wondered are we wasting our youth? Shouldn't the age of 22 be filled with late nights, high heels and memorable stories? This is a place I come back to often. This question of whose to say what is fun anyway. 

I went out with my christian club on campus to the coffee shop last night and putting aside the unsettledness I felt from not fitting in anymore, it was not fun. I tried to turn their conversations from random jokes to what Jesus had done in their lives, no one responded. How is that fun? I wanted to talk about all God had done for me and listen to what He had done at my college while I was gone... that didn't happen.

So as of now, The Hills TV show is on and the girls (whoever they are) decide to have a night in and go to a the hotel to relax... they all ended up yelling at each other and thrown martini glasses around... so it doesn't look like they are having fun either.

So who is having  fun? Who is living the life a 22 year old should? I wonder how different a 22 years olds life would be in a third world country compared to my selfishness here in America. I know that whenever I find myself asking this question God convicts me. Living a life like everyone else won't make the changes in the world I want to make. It's not that I have to live in solitude- but I do have to make the right choices to carry out the calling He has put on my life. Now I will admit I have had some good earthly times in the past... but were they worth it? The unsatisfying feeling you get chasing your friends in and out of different clubs, hoping he'll call, and wishing you had her body etc etc. 

Maybe I am not missing out. Maybe I will stay in again tonight. I mean really who is to say what is fun anyway...