Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Capstone

I never fall asleep when I say I am going to.
Latest realization:
30 days until I pack up my last dorm room ever.
Only 24 of those days are going to be spent in Brockport.
Only 17 of those days are 'normal' college days.
....Panic sets in. 17 days is not nearly enough.

Did I accomplish everything I wanted?
Did I make God's goodness known?
Was I there enough for the ones who love me?
Did I live it up?
Is this really ending?

This is the same feeling of when I traveled to Europe and
did not realize I was there, like really there until three days in.
Life becomes such a normalcy and a... given (?)
that it is way too difficult to comprehend a different way of life.

This happens to me every summer also.
I love home when I am there.
I love school when I am here.
And I love the double-home feeling.
Not a double life, but having two completely separate places
that are completely home to me.

...will I have even one home now?
This post has nothing to do with Nashville.
How could I not be excited for that?
This panic would have happened
just the same in May as it is now.

17 days. What can I accomplish in 17 days?
Should I be accomplishing anything in 17 days?
Should I just enjoy where I have worked up to?
Or should I strive to make everything perfect by the time I leave?

...I feel like I am leaving so many seeds behind.
So many unblossomed works.
That is another bittersweet moment.
Knowing that I have made a difference,
but yet only seeing that difference through facebook
and every so often coffee dates.

I want to make a checklist.
"Things to do in 17 days:
The Capstone of My Brockport Existence"

But God has already done that...
December 3rd "To Write Love On Her Arms" Performance
The Capstone of My Brockport Existence.

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