Wednesday, October 7, 2009

oh, inconsistent me

"Let it all out
get it all out
rip it out remove it
don't be alarmed
when the wound begins to bleed

cause we're so scared to find out
what this life's all about
so scared we're going to lose it
not knowing all along
that's exactly what we need

and today I will trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
but tomorrow, upon hearing what I did
I will stare at you in disbelief
oh, inconsistent me
crying out for consistency

and you said I know that this will hurt
but if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
the end will justify the pain it took to get us there

and I'll let it be known
at times I have shown
signs of all my weakness
but somewhere in me
there is strength

and you promise me
that you believe
in time I will defeat this
cause somewhere in me
there is strength

and today I will trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
and I'll try my best to just forget
that that man isn't me

reach out to me
make my heart brand new
every beat will be for you
for you

and I know you know
you touched my life
when you touched my heavy heart and made it light"

-Relient K

so all this time I have known I have a wonderful life.
I have people I love & who love me.
I love my school work.
I love the influence I have on this campus.
I love going out & having a good time.
I love sunday morning worship.
I love my life...but not the life God is intending for me to love.

...I figured out the reason I am so 'happy' and 'love' everything is because I am living the life I always wanted... not the life he has planned for me. For as far as I have come, I have not come far enough... This is not a cry of worthlessness but of correction. I need to love the life God has intended for me.. that does not involve all of what the world believes as fun and wonderful.

...uggh.. for so long I had myself fooled this was the good life & God was okay with what I was doing... and for the most part it was- he still sees me as perfection beacuse of the blood of his son, but I can longer justify my sin in His grace..

wow, correction sucks.

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