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Monday, October 19, 2009
From the outside...
I started reading the book "Boy meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship" today.
I bought it forever ago, but I was not ready for it then.
I am at least ready to say I was wrong... and I need to do this right this time.
After I finished some chapters I had planned on visiting an old friend
whom is six months pregnant and just found out it is a girl.
To some, this would be disastrous.
She's 21, not married no college degree etc etc..
Before leaving, my step-mother & I went through all of my baby sister's clothes
and gave her three bags worth of beautiful outfits.
I also went and bought some diapers, baby bottle, etc.
I went over to her house thinking I was such a good Christian and friend.
But I started to notice with each baby outfit she opened she was so *joyful*
::it was very ironic::
Neither one of our lifestyles are perfect by any means-
We have both made the same mistakes.
Neither one of us are loved by God any more so...
but the world views us so differently.
One, becoming a harsh statistic in our society but glowing with joy regardless.
And the second, trying to pursue a renewed relationship based on Godly principals and purity and fighting her entire way through it with selfishness and ignorance.
In both situations, God is in control.
In both situations, God is going to get the glory
-yet to others, one looks much better from the outside.
And the other looks like what some people would call a "lost cause"...
I also prayed last night knowing I was going to see her today that maybe (even though I am just an old friend- like seriously middle school old friend) that she would make me Godmother then I could dedicate myself to having this child know and love God.
*I instantly got sick to my stomach*
How selfish of me, thinking I need or I would even want a title to pray for someone, to provide various ways to show Christ in their life... I should be consistently doing that without ANY sense of self or praise needed.
There she was: selfless, kind, hardworking and pregnant.
And here I am: self-centered, rash, but with a cross around my neck.
...I don't know if this post will mean anything to anyone else, or frankly if anyone else will understand it. But the world is so quick to judge. They are so easily fooled by statistics and first glances. Maybe God let me see through His eyes a little tonight, because from my presepective I was the one needing more grace than she. I was the one acting in selfishness and hypocrisy. I was the martha in the kitchen when all Jesus wanted was someone to enjoy His presence.
She was beautiful, glowing and three months away from birthing a baby girl and that is something I would say is *far from* a lost cause. I pray that God will bless this baby and her mother and that I may learn not to assume who is in need of Grace, but let God show me through His eyes.