Five days ago I posted an inspiring post about taking risks and going to the coffeeshop to just be me. I wrote these words "I have chosen to let go, I have chosen to take that little step of faith, I am breathing slowly and striking up random conversations again. I am ready to accepted, I am ready to be rejected, I am ready to fall and I ready to pick myself up. Its almost like I want to scream it out: Watch out world here I come again!"
So in the last five days I have introduced myself to 12 Christians my age, been rejected/ignored by 7 of them. For the biggest event of the year for my job I had 80% of my girls no show. I sent an email to a guy taking a chance, we'll say, and he never responded. I went to a coffeeshop again tonight to relive my *me* moment and the coffeeshop was closing early that particular night. I lit every candle in the house awaiting a friend to show tonight and after she cancelled I spilled the wax on my roommates couch.
So here is the question: What do you do when the coffeeshop closes early? When the guy doesn't like you? When your friends find something better to do?
You know me, I gotta write about the real stuff, not just the nice things. I mean this is real life. Sometimes we get hurt, so the questions remains what do you do? I mean here I am trying to take risks, love me, and connect with my soul again. I don't want to work hard at this, I just want to 'be'... if that makes sense to anyone.
And you'd think, you'd think I would be upset. But honestly, I am not. THAT'S THE COOLEST PART. When you are okay with you- its okay when others don't worship the ground you walk on, and/or respond to your attempts. It's okay when you make an honest mistake of dropping wax, --- and you know, you can always take the Chai to go when the coffeeshop closes.
Where did this come from you ask? Was it not just a month ago I wrote about recognizing that I did not love myself? Well depends on what you think of this, of course, One Tree Hill quote: "You ever wonder how long it takes to change your life? What measure of time is enough to be life altering? Is it four years like high school, one year, an eight week rock tour? Can your life change in a month, or a week or a single day? We're always in a hurry to grow up, to go places, to get ahead. But when you're young, one hour can change everything."
--->So here is to taking it hour by hour<---- Here is to God and all the great things he can do in my heart. Here is to not letting a few no's keep me from a possible yes. Here is taking the time to pay attention to your heart and being intentional about taking care of it. Here is to being me, no matter what.
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life... For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander...The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks...A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes" [[Proverbs 4:23; Proverbs 15:13; Luke 6:45; Matthew 15:19]]