"My eyes will flow unceasingly, without relief until the Lord looks down from the
heavens and sees. What I see brings grief to my soul because of the woman in
this city" Lamentations 3:49-51
Something hit me thursday night while my friends and I were at our local dance club 'Tags'. (It might have been just on of the eighteen year olds elbows) - but more than that, I went out to have a fun time but I found myself surrounded by girls who were nothing short of desperate... and it just broke my heart. It's not to say all of the girls there were- but the ones the Lord put on my heart were.
Each one of them was searching for love, each one craving attention, each one forgetting that the point was to have fun and dance. They were lonely. They were hurting... and they were beautiful. Whoa, all so beautiful... hours of preparation, new outfit, hair curled, perfect makeup and yet they went home disappointed.
At some points (as bad as it sounds) it made my laugh, because I remember it. I remember those emotions, the hormones and wavering my mood on who I was dancing with. I am not saying anything like "I am all grown up now and those silly kids" or "what fools they are"- not at all. I just don't crave what I use to now that I know the Lord. Once you have had His love - you almost can't go back to that longing.
I always like to say there is this God shaped hole in everyone's heart and he is the only one that can fill it. Scripture won't, church won't, family won't, religion won't- He will. Yes, the Lord uses those to speak to you and bless you but He is not them. Unfortunately, I did not see it fit to tell these girls my of my "christianese sayings" as everyone was grooving to "pour some sugar on me" but I pray someday they will know. They will know His heart. They will know His desperation for their love.
I just picture God showing up to that same club (stay with me here) He is just a normal guy wearing a blue stripped shirt, simple smile, stands off to the side and it seems like He has nothing to lose. He's confident, He's funny, He's got friends, but He has one fault- He just loves her too much. Week after week He shows up hoping she will notice Him. She bounces guy to guy, from bar to bar, and never even glances His way. But He does not gives up. He loves her from a distance... like the week she needed a ride home and He paid for her cab, or the time her cell phone died and he let her borrow His. He loves her in simple ways and He just waits...
Granted even knowing all this, feeling and seeing God's love completely surround me everyday I still succumb to dating.. hmm interesting choice of words... (almost like I still feel guilty for doing so.) For those who don't know, I have been "seeing" Ryan for almost two years now. Although we have been on and off it has not been dramatic or immature... just different seasons of our lives have called us to take a step back. And I Love him. Although he doesn't like country music there is a popular song out now that makes me think of him... "(s)he got whatever it is, it blows me away. (s)He's everything I wanna say to a (wo)man but I can never find the words to say. (s)He got whatever it is I don't know what to do because every time I try to tell him how I feel it comes out, I Love You." That is just the only way I can explain it. Once I set my eyes on him my resting place has always been his arms. And these past two months have been so blessed. I have never felt so balanced with my love life before. I feel God's blessing on us now and I hear Him say it's okay... for so long I felt so disgusting for wanting worldly love after knowing God's. But it's okay. As long as my life still honors the Lord (1 Corinthians 6:18-20), I sense His blessing on this love. God understands this world, He knows it is hard to go through alone. We are not meant to do this on our own (Genesis 2:18, Eph. 2:21-22) and I thank God for first bringing me out of the depths of desperation and longing to then find a wonderful Man of God who covers me with his authority of Christ.
As for the 18 years olds, their young, their alive and they have time. They may not know His love yet so my heart breaks for them, but He sees them, He still cares for them and it is not my place to hurt or worry for them... just pray and believe. I mean who knows- it was only three years ago my hands were covered in those club's 'Xs' and I was searching too..
"My eyes will flow unceasingly, without relief until the
Lord looks down from the heavens and sees. What I see brings grief to my soul
because of the woman in this city"