Thursday, January 15, 2009

Thoughts from Italy/Greece

I have so much to tell my followers about Italy&Greece, Jesus has been so evident during this trip- not to mention the Sistine chapel. oh my goodness. So here are my scattered thoughts straight from my *new* devotional:

I was sitting on the bus digging, searching, pleading for a piece of paper- even just a scrap. I almost started to write on my skin because i felt like I had so much to say, so much to express, and so much to illustrate. I never felt like an artist before. never felt like anything I had to say was not only not important but beautiful, sophisticated and loving ((however)) I believe now. I believe God gave me my words to be shared. He told me to spread the good news, to spread his love, his gifts and the inner peace. ((and I am)) Not trying, not wanting to, not wishing and hoping. I am doing that. this is not a pat on the back but a declaration. I am activated. I am part of his kingdom.

It's all about the stories to me. Life is nothing without stories. Odd enough- I don't read that much. I read my bible, but that's about it. But when Is ee a strangers face, I read a story.
I could go on and on for hours sitting in any square
just reading the expressions, movement, and flow of people.
everyone so different, yet all the same.
And I really mena that. We all desire the same things.
here I am half way across the world knowing that they desire the same things I do.
We all crave the same emotions and moments.
We all live on this earth from which we love, laugh and eat.
But we are all individuals also.
There are over 6 billion people in this world.
That's 6 billion stories to be shared.
That's 6 billion tales of love and sorrow.
I think back to the best moments of my life
and know for sure that they all dealt with stories.

((The letters in Gettysburg))
((The love at the Eiffel Tower))
((The tourist struck by lightening in Switzerland))
((The late-late nights spent at Denny's))
((The Goodbye Date))
((The hysterical trip to Alfred))
((The Ice Water Moment))
((My High School Tale))
((My 16th Birthday))
((Trip to Assisi, Delphi & Vatican))

They all began with stories.
They are all remembered as stories.
Falling in love is a story. Traveling abroad is a story.
A first date is a story. A late night is a story.
Sometimes they are written down and remembered.
Sometimes they are exaggerated by word of mouth.
Sometimes they are held dear and sometimes they are forgotten.
Some are told until they are worn out.
Some are kept secret forever.
But all are beautiful with sequence and transition.
All filled with choices and regrets.
All filled with let downs and miracles.

((Filled. All filled))

I will never be able to hear the six billion stories. Nor will all 6 billion stories ever be told.
But I do promise never to miss a chance at one and let the business of life
keep me from the gift of those beautiful untold stories.


(thoughts after leaving the chapel)

Thousands of visitors, millions of viewers and none of them get the same impression.
None of them receive the same message. None of them walk out with the same heartache.
I had no idea Jesus would be so present. It should have been obvious I know but it is so hard for me to see these paintings and look at art. I see the yearning on god's face and it breaks my heart. We are so effortless. All of us. Even hose of us who believe. We will never know the constant pull he has on us and how often we ignore his call. How can so many people see this and not wonder. Not even WONDER if he is real. I swear sometimes I think its a lost cause... but if he hasn't pulled that line out yet, how can I?


I felt suffocated. I was listening to Kenny Chesney's "There goes my Life" about a teenage boy who finds out he is going to be a father and I felt like I couldn't breath. Does your life really end when you have a child? Why is everyone so scared to chase thier dreams? Why do i only have two friends going abroad this semester when everyone had the "chance"? I'm only twenty and I ahve been to Europe twice., Florida four times, California, Vermont, Pennsylvania, Maine, Canada to camp, gamble and to tour. I have seen IMAX movies, tasted countless kinds of ice cream and chocolate. I ahve spent nights crying and laughing with close friends. I have spent nights held in lovers arms who ahve promised me the world. I have had the rush of an entire audience captivated by me. I have had my heart broken and put together again. I have distinctivly heard from God at least three times on what it is I meant to do. I have completly lost myself in a movie plot and I have found myself in the stories of the bible. I have not yet lost a loved one, but I have lost a friendship. I have screamed my head off at the woman who hands down loves me the most. I have awed the adults around me with my dedication and dissapointed them with profanity. I have lived by the clock and have spent entire days relaxing in bed. I ahve two regrets in life that most would beg to have be it. I have kissed in the rain. I ahve lied about my age. I have drank myself to puking and I have refused to give into that addiction. I have never fully cooked a meal. I envy those who are free spirits, yet do not understand their reasonings. That is all.


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