I have never been so lost, yet I have never been so found.
Each day I am discovering new ways of living that I never even considered before.
My mind has been opened to new opportunities that really change everything.
I want things I have never wanted before, and I have distanced myself from what I have always known.
There is a way to detach from our media-obsessed, self-serving culture.
I must choose to not be comfortable.
To allow my life to be lost in a sea of doing what feels good and serving my own needs.
Last night the thought hit me "I worship the god of convenience, and I worship God when it is convenient"
--wow-- I don't want my life to look like that. I don't want to waste my time... I don't want a house with more rooms than people, its just unnecessary.
And I'm not mad at those who have it. And I don't think myself better for not wanting it, nor them for having it. I just know its not what I want. I know its dangerous to pray the way I am about to pray but God, make me uncomfortable. If to love is to sacrifice, then have it all Lord. Break me. I don't want to be known as the young woman with nice dresses, I want to be unknown. I want to have just enough and love rightly.
Please know readers, I speak much deeper than money-- although that's where our minds go so quickly because that is the highest treasure we have on earth. I pray for so much more. I want my thoughts to be fixated on loving others rightly. I want to honor God's requests of me including when He called me to pray throughout the night that I have "conveniently" have refused to do. But when it's God there is no guilt. I am not upset, I am not down on myself, I am excited, I am looking forward to the day i can look back and say 'ah yes, that is when everything changed'
It's just good to remember that in Him I am found. That my heart can be lost but truly hidden in Him. And that I die to live. (Colossians 2:9-10, Philippians 1:21)
Acts 20:24 "However, I consider my life worth nothing to me;
my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus
has given me the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace."