Friday, June 1, 2012

Acts 20:24

I have never been so lost, yet I have never been so found.
Each day I am discovering new ways of living that I never even considered before.
My mind has been opened to new opportunities that really change everything.
I want things I have never wanted before, and I have distanced myself from what I have always known.
There is a way to detach from our media-obsessed, self-serving culture. 
I must choose to not be comfortable. 
To allow my life to be lost in a sea of doing what feels good and serving my own needs.
Last night the thought hit me "I worship the god of convenience, and I worship God when it is convenient"
--wow-- I don't want my life to look like that. I don't want to waste my time... I don't want a house with more rooms than people, its just unnecessary. 

And I'm not mad at those who have it. And I don't think myself better for not wanting it, nor them for having it. I just know its not what I want. I know its dangerous to pray the way I am about to pray but God, make me uncomfortable. If to love is to sacrifice, then have it all Lord. Break me. I don't want to be known as the young woman with nice dresses, I want to be unknown. I want to have just enough and love rightly.

Please know readers, I speak much deeper than money-- although that's where our minds go so quickly because that is the highest treasure we have on earth. I pray for so much more. I want my thoughts to be fixated on loving others rightly. I want to honor God's requests of me including when He called me to pray throughout the night  that I have "conveniently" have refused to do. But when it's God there is no guilt. I am not upset, I am not down on myself, I am excited, I am looking forward to the day i can look back and say 'ah yes, that is when everything changed'

It's just good to remember that in Him I am found. That my heart can be lost but truly hidden in Him. And that I die to live. (Colossians 2:9-10, Philippians 1:21) 

Acts 20:24 "However, I consider my life worth nothing to me
my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus 
has given me the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace."

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

CHYEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOO!!! THIS GETS ME SO EXCITED! You are asking of something many don't, but it's going to be BEAUTIFUL :) Why? Because now you get to partner with His sufferings and honestly it is sooooo intimate! :) BAHHHH I am so excited! <3 Love you Kerri! Way to say yes to walking the narrow road. -I'll let you guess who this is ;)