Acts 20:24 Continued

On June 1st I wrote about what I now believe to be my heart cry, my 'life' verse perhaps. After rereading the post I completely agree with what I wrote, but I wonder why I wrote about just that when I now feel so much more about that scripture. The first day that scripture really hit my heart I wrote out what you see here. It is kind of my personal interpretation of the scripture, really 'sending home' what that scriptures means for me and my life.

Acts 20:24 "However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; 

my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus 

has given me the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.^"

For the first time in a long time I feel conviction again. For my many readers who don't know the Lord in this way, what I am experiencing is a slap in the face 'oh righhhtttt, that's not of God, why I am still doing it' moment. Conviction does not lead to guilt or self-loathing, rather it leads to behavioral change and freedom in knowing I am not a slave to my sin. ((slowly read the next scripture))

^{Romans 7: 14- 20  "}We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. ¹⁵ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶ And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.¹⁷ As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.¹⁸ For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰ Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."

So this struggle is no new thing, it is not just me, it has always been and will be until Jesus returns for His promised Bride. But my ONLY AIM is to Love the Lord and testify of His grace. So why then, why am I living as if I don't need Him? Why am I not spending more than 20 minutes in His word? Why am I not worshiping while I listen to the radio, instead of just ..listening.. to the music. Why, I guess is the wrong question, the question is how can I consistently come to a place where I can come back on track for when I begin "doing what I don't want to do", what will remind me I do have an aim in life that calls me to surrender a lot more than some Sunday mornings. 

I WANT to see salvation, I WANT to see freedom rule in the people I love lives, I WANT some girl entering Brockport as a freshman meet the Lord like I did. I WANT to take these girls to Kingdom bound and have them EXPERIENCE the Lord, like I did in Middle School. I WANT to have peace rule my family and not pain. I WANT to have a Godly relationship with a guy that honors me as a promised daughter of God. 

Conviction, a reminder that nothing can separate me from the love of Christ, but sin can distance what I feel of his presence. Why would I allow anything to do that... anything.