Thursday, August 11, 2011

Settling In

"Once you lose yourself, you have two choices: find the person you used to be, or lose that person completely. Because sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you’ve been and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are. George Bernard Shaw once wrote: "There are two tragedies in life: one is to lose your heart’s desire. The other is to gain it". Clearly, Shaw had his heart broken once or twice." - One Tree Hill cast 

The last five years I feel as if I have lived out of boxes. I was at school, I was back home, I was in a foreign country, I was out of state- I was always :::somewhere, doing something::: and always with my boxes.

I spoke to a girl earlier today who was in and out of foster care her whole life. Continually split from her brothers and sisters for years then brought back together. I imagine she feels as if her whole life is in boxes...

But I sit here tonight I am not somewhere, doing something, I am just here... and I have no boxes left. I finally decorated my room and well, this is it. This is home now. I feel safe here, relaxed and quite privileged. It is a really nice place and when I spend most of my days working with young women like the one I mentioned above, this is a very nice home.

Even with the familiar boxes in hand, I can admit I lost myself this past school year. Granted I moved three times, earned a Master's degree and started managing a non-profit- so I can use that as an excuse; Regardless I lost that sense of independence I had gained and that beautiful sparkle in my eye that let me know I had a purpose beyond just getting recognition in this life. I let my heart wander and I gained my heart's desire in two ways: One was of the Lord the other was not and George Bernard Shaw was right... oddly enough both feel like tragedies sometimes.

But, I have no boxes left... no excuses; It's time. It is time to be who I always said I was going to be. It is time to take this Urban Ministry seriously and do what I can to carry on God's message of Love. It's time to remember what I got into this crazy profession for. Contrary to popular belief, I never became a Social Worker because I thought I could save the world; I just simply did not want to ignore the pain of the world, like others can so easily do. It's time to move beyond the boxes and settle into life.

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