Thursday, August 16, 2012

Driving through My Thoughts

If a tree falls in a forrest and no one is around to hear it, does it still make noise? If a man loves a woman but tells no one that he does, does he still love her?

Months ago I posted a compelling question if failure was not an option what you do? I found it so intriguing. I wanted to know what worry had been holding us back from. What dreams have been chocked by fear and insecurities. Driving around the US today with a dear friend I wonder, what would I do if money wasn't a variable. Surely life would be different. Perhaps more free, perhaps more uptight? I more so than ever believe I have separated myself from the idea of things, 'necessities', happiness based on others and admiration.

But alas, I was hit today with a bad financial hit. Unexpected and somewhat personal. Sigh. Nothing hits like a financial burden. So says the girl who has never lost a loved one. And so says the girl who lives like an American, enough said.

This morning I was in Nebraska, tomorrow I will be in my hometown in upstate New York. We covered a lot of ground and my mind covered a lot of territory. I've been thinking about how nothing completes me but God, honestly nothing. I've been thinking about the hope needed in Rochester. I've been thinking about how many more weddings I may be in as my friends find life partners. I was thinking about friendship and what really characterizes it? Keeping in contact, understanding the other, or entertainment. I was thinking about the career I chose and what sacrifices that really takes.

I have not answered a phone call all week. I'm not sure why. No particular reason. I didn't think I needed such a strict break from the daily. Maybe I'm finally sorting out all these thoughts in my mind that constantly drive around, maybe these thoughts need a new driver. And not such an idle leader.

How is it money can change so much. I believe love, grace, and justice are what changes the world for the perfection it was created for. And I just see these ideals (characteristics of Gods) being so tainted by monetary exchange .. And the lack therefore of.

As for the tree, yes it sounds, how arrogant of us to think that nature does not exist except when we, imperfect humans, notice it. In that case our whole earth would be striped of beauty. As for the heart of man... Jeremiah 17:9, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"

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